I have no appetite. None at all. I’ve not eaten since dinner last night, yet I feel no desire to eat. I hear BB and his Mom’s words echoing in my head already – eat not because you are hungry, but because you have to – but I look at my food and I feel like throwing up.

Even the thought of doughnuts and cakes do not excite me.

BB’s Mom should have landed in Beijing already. I wanted to blog about the precious last few days that I spent with her, but WordPress ate up my blog. So I shall blog about it later. For now, I’m going to unwind on the couch, read, and try to remember the 心境自然凉 mantra.

I hate the weather in this part of the world. Justin, on the other hand, is in Zambia (Africa) and loving the weather. “WTF?!” you say? Well apparently not all of Africa has extremely hot weather! Haha. I know, it’s a misconception that everyone has, that Africa is hot hot hot! Well, according to Justin, the weather there is now about 15 degrees Celsius. And that a small bottle of shampoo costs about USD 10! Wah. So I guess people there do not use shampoo? Haha. According to Justin, people there are poor, but they are all happy, smiley and friendly.

Sometimes I wish I was in another part of the world, too, away from all my troubles.

What do you do when you are so depressed, so depressed that no one can help you?

You cry alone. Then you go to your drawer and dig out that spare bottle of Escitalopram, down two, go back downstairs, and pop a feel-good movie into the DVD player.

Then you go to bed. And if you can’t sleep, reach over to the night stand, pop a Lorazepam and get knocked out.

You wake up the next morning and you go on with what you do everyday – smile at everyone and pretend that everything is okay. And at the end of the day, you go home. And you get depressed again.

Then you cry alone. Then you go to your dresser, where the bottle of Escitalopram already sits.

Been reading the book Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami, a Japanese author. Well, the one I’m reading is a translated version of his novel, by Philip Gabriel.

I’ve been taking my time reading this book (I also took a long time with The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle) because this book is quite difficult to read. There are 2 main characters in the book, a runaway boy called Kafka Tamura, and an old man, who talks to cats, called Nakata.

Each chapter in the book switches between 3 main scenes/themes: Kafka’s adventures after he leaves his home, Nakata’s search for a cat which involves a lot of dialogues with cats (I know this sounds weird), and interviews/investigations regarding the incident in Nakata’s childhood which led to him being the way he is now.

With the end of each chapter, I, the reader, have to consciously switch my mind back and forth between the various subplots, making it a tiring read. In addition, Haruki Murakami’s style is none too easy on the mind – there are many philosophies of line intricately woven into the storyline, making readers stop often while ploughing through the sentences and paragraphs, to think about our own related experiences, or any other thoughts that might have been triggered off by his writing, whether relevant or not. Although his sentences are simple, and the vocabulary used none too fancy, reading his works definitely take a longer time than other books that I’ve read.

While this is one of the reasons why I enjoy his works, I have to admit that I probably will not be able to read book after book by him, without any ‘break’ in the form of other types of books, unlike when I read other types of books. Murakami is, to me, an author who makes my mind exhausted, yet refreshed, through the strange yet logical philosophies he presents in his writings.

I’m hardly a quarter of my way through this book, but I already have many thoughts on it, or which have been sparked off by it. And that is the way I like books to be – thought-provoking. Not to say that I do not read books which subsist mainly on its plot – I do, and I enjoy them too – but I derive most pleasure from philosophically elevated reads, books with an underlying general theme into which I can probe further and learn more from extended reading of other sources of information, and also books that deal mainly with the deeper psychological aspects of a human being.

Reading is not just a way to improve your language, but also a training of your mind.

Do you know that the more you learn, the greater the number of synaptic interactions and modifications, which causes your brain to increase its capacity for learning? In other words, the more you learn, the better you will be able to learn. So scoot off now, and go read Wikipedia.

P/S: Coincidentally, that is one of my favourite sources of reading material, and it was reported in the Straits Times today, that Wikipedia averages only about 4 errors per article; an admirable feat, considering Britannica averages 3 errors per article and is compiled presumably by academics and scholars, while Wikipedia is written and can be modified by just about anyone who has access to an internet connection.

Got this in my email, and I found it pretty amusing (and ingenious) so I thought I’d share! 

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES – LET’S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z’S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

This morning at 4am I received a barrage of Twitter SMS-es. Seventeen in total! WTH. I finally got them – all the delayed messages from yesterday. Woke me up with the incessant ringing, one by one. Was so pissed off.

And then it stopped, and there were no more Twitter messages again, so I had to check my Twitter home when I woke up this morning, to see who Twittered since 4am.

What is the point of my having Twitter if I can only read it online? Stupid Twitter.

Do you think it’s something wrong with my phone? I’m using a Vodafone Sharp 802SH. Do you think it’s something wrong with my service provider? I’m using a Singtel prepaid card, and I’m roaming in Malaysia on Celcom at the moment. Or do you think it’s just me? Sigh.

I think it’s just me.

Another rainy day. Makes me kind of happy. But happy is relative. Compared to last night, I think I feel 0.0001% better now, simply because it is raining.

Last night I killed a cockroach using (maybe) about one quarter of a can of insecticide. Ended up with a really oily floor. And a dead roach which I left on the floor for my mother to pick up this morning. Sorry, I don’t touch roaches.

Our friend Justin is going away to Zambia (and maybe Congo and South Africa) for work, for a whole month. Gonna miss him, but I guess he will have some really interesting stories to tell (and pictures to show) when he gets back!

I seem to be unable to receive Twitter updates on my mobile phone. Why? Why God, why me? Checked settings, Miccheng double checked for me. Nothing seems amiss. So why? Why me?

Why doesn’t Blogger save our information when we key it into comment forms, so that we don’t have to keep typing it in over and over again? It really is irritating.

Why doesn’t WordPress have a Twitter widget? I hate the RSS widget. It updates about 2 hours (usually) after I Twitter something.

My results for the other 2 modules (Stats and Info Sys) are not out yet. I’m so anxious I think it’s affecting my sleep. I’m so worried. Is this normal?

I have really severe mood swings. Is this something I should be concerned about?

The printer at home is working again! I can now scan, print, photocopy and fax again! But I don’t know how to fax (I don’t even know what is my fax number). Hmm.

I am having holidays now. So is my boyfriend. It’s rare that our holidays actually coincide. But I can’t see him now, and my mother yells at me each time I say I want to go over to Singapore. Kind of depressing.

I’m finally on Twitter. Seems like I’m always slow on the uptake when following trends online. Actually, I think I’m just lazy. I first got to know about Twitter a few months ago, when Uzyn started Twittering. I joined, but never began twittering myself, because I didn’t know how to put the updates up on my blog.

Anyway, I’ve got it fixed now, using an RSS widget (see sidebar) but I’m still not happy about it – feed updates are really slow, and it doesn’t look as nice as the other Twitter badges that everyone else has.

Yesterday (Sunday) flew by like a daze. I slept really late (or early, depending on how you look at it) – around 5am, after having a super long conversation with Ridz on MSN. I didn’t think I’d be able to wake up for breakfast at 9, but I did.

My mother, Elaine and I, went to a dimsum place, which boasted a menu of over 100 types of dimsum, with Yali, Xiaoli, and their parents. It was a delightful morning actually, chatting over delicious food and Chinese tea, despite my lack of sleep. I think Xiaoli was really tired too. Haha. She had just attended a 5-day NTU Malaysian Society Camp, and would be attending the Hall 6 Freshmen Orientation Camp which begins today (Monday) and lasts for 6 days.

It was fun seeing Yali again – our dear busy auditor has been away in China for work for a really long time. A month? Anyway, I didn’t get to talk to her much cos Elaine was hogging her (haha). It’s alright though, because Elaine and Yali don’t get to talk as often as I talk to Yali, I guess 🙂

Didn’t take any photos of the place or the food, but I hope to go back there to review it soon. I realised that I really like writing about food. Haha.

I got home and went back to bed immediately – not the wisest thing to do after a heavy breakfast. Still, I was really too tired, and I slept for about 6 hours till 4:30pm! Had a light meal, and then we went off to the airport.

Elaine flew off today – have to admit that I was relieved. I know this sounds mean (she being my sister whom I see only once a year and all), but with the recent unhappy events pertaining to my overseas studies (my parents disapprove), I cannot help but feel resentful of the fact that everyone is still fussing over her when she has already finished her medical degree and have had her fair share of time spent overseas, studying and holidaying. She already has a job in Scotland, for goodness sake. I wanted to ask everyone why they were still fussing over her – but I felt that she would have felt indignant about it, so I didn’t.

In any case, her presence at home this time only reminded me constantly of the unfairness of my family’s government. I guess everyone worries about the doctor’s future (ironic, because it’s already set to take off) while no one worries about this poor,  financially-struggling student who aspires to be someone important too.

Now I sound bitter and jealous. But hey, maybe I am. No one cares anyway. Tears are blurring my eyes and I can’t see to type any more. Good night.

Wow. Finally it’s over and done with, after 2 weeks of discussing where to gather! We finally decided on Miss Clarity Cafe (Purvis Street) near Bugis. I was famished (and rather wet no thanks to the pelting rain) by the time I got there, so I was kind of erm, expecting a lot with regards to the food. Anyway.

Plus points: They were willing to accomodate such a huge group of us and it was an accessible place (near an MRT station). Oh, and it was great that they tolerated our noise level, haha. And! No additional service charge, and price was already inclusive of GST.

I think this is where the good stuff ends.

I ordered a Chicken Cordon Bleu ($8.80 nett) and a Hazelnut Iced Latte ($3.80 nett). Both gave me little satisfaction – the chicken was too dry (perhaps they shouldn’t have used the chicken breast) and the sides consisted of some sauteed cabbage (wtf?!) and potatoes, while the latte was erm, for want of better adjectives, like horse piss (that’s what my dad usually says of horrible coffee). Watered down and with no trace of hazelnut at all, it was quite a waste of my $3.90 which could have been put to better use for a short cab ride.

Anyway, the rest found their food mediocre as well, so I suppose food isn’t one of the cafe’s strongest points. I was just telling Miccheng that had I made it known to the staff that we are a group of bloggers (who might review their cafe in our blogs), they might possibly have put in a tad more effort into the cooking of the food. Haha.

That said, I still think that the place has good ambience for gatherings of all sorts, big or small, though we would probably not return for the food (nor the drinks) again. Whoops. Maybe they need to find a more attractive niche. At least, at Settler’s, they have board games, which more than makes up for the pathetic excuse they have for food. With such a great location and such a nice cafe set up, it would be a waste if they had to close down due to a dwindling customer base who don’t return because of the food.

Well! Enough of the cafe!

Today I had the pleasure of talking to some people whom I’ve not talked to (or not much) at the ping.sg party on 070707. Met Yuka (snowbiscuits), Miccheng, Jean (aka simplyjean), talked to Jiaying (surfslayer) for the first time though we’d met previously, had quite an interesting conversation on a variety of topics with Ridz, Yuhui and Eujzin (aka jzin), and got to eat Adrian’s (aka arzhou) cookies (yum yum! Thanks for waking up at 6 to bake for us!) but forgot to whack him for always teasing me.

Lalala. I’m very happy to meet all these new friends – as always – and it really did perk me up a little, helped me take my mind off some problems for a few hours, and finally put a face to the nicknames of the people whom we’ve been chatting with (or whose blogs we’ve been reading) on the ping.sg shoutbox!

I think Yuka is trying to be a contender for the Most Shy Pingster award (the first nominee being Christina aka uglyfatchick). Hur hur. Then again, it’s her first time meeting us, so it might have been a little overwhelming. Haha!

All in all, I felt that it was a super fun gathering today. Certainly enjoyed talking to the 3 gentlemen whose conversation I (rudely) barged in upon during the last hour that we were at the cafe. Hehe. Thanks to jzin also, for giving me a lift to Clementi MRT! 🙂

I have no pics, btw, cos my so hop on over to Claudia’s blog (she was the photographer of the day!)

People who attended: Miccheng, Jzin, Chillycraps, Claudia, Sheylara, Nannywen, Tstar, Arzhou, Surfslayer, Snowbiscuits, Daphnemaia, DK, Uzyn, Simplyjean, Ridz, Yuhui, Uglyfatchick, Ethan.

People who went missing at the last minute: Veron (tsk tsk), NTT (tsk tsk)and BB (tsk tsk), who accompanied his mom who is visiting from Beijing to watch the NDP preview thingie.

edit: NTT came at 6pm, after they adjourned to Starbucks…

This is an extension to my previous post about “Why this country cannot make it”.

Wah, people sing the national anthem until like that already, still don’t want to wake up.

*shakes head*

Anyway. Kudos to the writer and singer (if different persons) of this song – you’re brave; I applaud you!

I have no one to talk to. When I need it most. I can’t talk to any one.