Posted by: incywincy | August 9, 2006

Jokes that tickled me

A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time.

The physicist saw the ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked into the ocean. Obviously, he was drowned and never returned.

The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna in the ocean and walked into the ocean. He too, never returned.

The chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote the observation, “The physicist and the biologist are soluble in ocean water”.

* * * * *

Your mama is so fat, the horse on her Polo shirt is real.

* * * * *

A computer programmer happens across a frog in the road. The frog pipes up, “I’m really a beautiful princess and if you kiss me, I’ll stay with you for a week”. The programmer shrugs his shoulders and puts the frog in his pocket.

A few minutes later, the frog says “OK, OK, if you kiss me, I’ll give you great sex for a week”. The programmer nods and puts the frog back in his pocket.

A few minutes later, “Turn me back into a princess and I’ll give you great sex for a whole year!”. The programmer smiles and walks on.

Finally, the frog says, “What’s wrong with you? I’ve promised you great sex for a year from a beautiful princess and you won’t even kiss a frog?”

“I’m a programmer,” he replies. “I don’t have time for sex … But a talking frog is pretty neat.”

* * * * *

What is a man’s idea of doing housework?

Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.

* * * * *

A minister told his congregation, “Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17.”

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, “Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying.”

* * * * *

Man: “I’d like to call you. What’s your number?”

Woman: “It’s in the phone book.”

Man: “But I don’t know your name.”

Woman: “That’s in the phone book too.”

* * * * *

A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means business!

The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, “And how much money do you make a week?” Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, “I make $300.00 a week. Why?”

The CEO then hands the guy $300 in cash and screams, “Here’s a week’s pay, now GET OUT and don’t come back!”

Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, “Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?”

With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, “Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s.”

* * * * *

“If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up” said the sarcastic teacher.

After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

“Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?” enquired the teacher with a sneer.

“Well, actually I don’t,” said the student, “but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.”

* * * * *

Jokes courtesy of Jokes4all.net, via Google homepage widgets


Responses

  1. stupid stupidddd programmer!!

  2. phew.. heng i’m not one.

  3. boss: eh u dotcom person. one day u gonna be like that lah! -blinks inoccently-

    bb: so if a frog came up to u n claimed tht it is a princess n promised u great sex, u’d accept?! -blinks furiously-

  4. lol. i love the first one, the programmer one and the sermon one cos the rest i heard before. :)))

  5. i hope i am the domino pizza man 😀


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