Posted by: incywincy | July 17, 2006


I’ve resorted to the lowest form of cheating to pretend that I am busy. I am now blogging on my own computer at work, where there is no internet connection, and I’m typing on MS Word! So, later I will print this out, and go home to retype it at WordPress.

Desperate, I know, but I’m just so sick of typing and retyping the SOP. Yes, SOP stands for Standard Operational Procedures. Over here, everything has to be written out and followed step by step. More on this later.

I just simply hate my job – I really do! It wouldn’t be so bad if I could do my work the productive and efficient way that I know best. Nope. Over here, it’s company policy that everyone be treated like an idiot. Especially me!

My manager gives me long lectures each morning before I can sit down to start on my work. I feel like a bloody primary school kid, standing beside his table, while he runs through everything in detail down to the last alphabet of how to spell a word. He will go through with me, step by step, the tasks that I have to do today. For example, when telling me that I have to amend the contract status on our customer database, he will treat me like an idiot, and tell me: “First you go to Svrdomain2, then you look for the folder called Contracts Amendments, then you look under alphabet X for the company XYZ, then you double click on it, okay? Then you open it. Then you look for the line which says that the status is Artwork Pending, then you look at the column which says Artwork Approved and you put a tick there, then you click the red X on the top of the page to close the page, and click on Save.”

And he does this every single morning. The exact same steps. WTF?! I’m not an idiot okay?

You know, I feel like telling him, “Mr E, I am 23 this year, and I am a University student. I am perfectly capable of locating files and editing them on my computer. I can read, too. And while we’re at it, may I request for you to please let me work independently? Do not for a moment, even, feel as if you are obliged to watch over me every single moment of the day, especially when I am sending out emails to the Director.”

What is wrong with this company, I wonder!

We also have to write out our daily activity plans each morning to report to our managers what we plan to do for the day. Then every evening, we need to write out daily activity reports to update our managers on whether we have completed the tasks that we were supposed to do. We have to follow everything we write on the reports, down to the last detail! My manager even told me that I have to write in the report everything I do from the time I wake up till the time I go to bed at night.

I was like, WTF?! And I just ignored him. Hey, my life does not belong to the company, you know. It is none of your damned business what I do before and after office hours. He has yet to look at my daily reports, but if he insists that I include those things, I will make up something for him, and repeat it everyday in my reports. Something outrageously detailed and extremely rude, so that after a week, he will stop asking me to write in precise detail. Something like this:

0630 – 0640: Wake up. Brush my teeth using Colgate toothpaste and Oral-B toothbrush, take a quick shower using Head-N-Shoulders shampoo and Palmolive Aroma Therapy Lavender soap
0640 – 0645: Take my morning poop in the toilet, and wiping my ass using Scott tissue roll
0645 – 0650: Put on my clothes; underwear first, followed by shirt, and then my skirt
0650 – 0655: Put on make-up (Revlon foundation, Maybelline oose powder, then Silky Girl rouge, then Dior lipstick, then Lancome mascara)
0655 – 0745: Travel to work; walk to Outram MRT for 7 mins, take MRT from Outram to Bishan for 25 mins, then walk to office for 15 mins
0745 – 0800: Slack around and stare at my computer screensaver which has the words “Daphne is Away” bouncing around, off the edges of the screen
0800 – 0930: Sales meeting, during which I zone out because everything said here is irrelevant to me
0930 – 1145: Write SOP for advertising consultants, go to toilet to pee for 5 minutes in between, and refill my pink Nalgene waterbottle, which btw, my Boyfriend bought for me last birthday
1145 – 1245: Lunch hour. I go to the coffee shop with Mai and Kelly, the two interns at our company, and I order tofu, stir-fried long beans, and braised chicken. I don’t eat rice during lunch cos it makes me sleepy if I take too much carbohydrates at lunch
1245 – 1745: Write SOP for advertising consultants, and visit the water cooler twice in between. I also go to the photocopier and photostat my MC for last week to submit to the HR officer.
1745 – 1845: Travel home in the reverse way in which I travelled to work in the morning
1845 – 1930: Eat dinner with my Boyfriend (We have a meal of rice, steamed meat, sauteed cauliflowers, claypot tofu and watermelon) then wash the dishes using Mama Lemon dishwashing liquid
1930 – 2000: Bathe and take my second poop of the day if I feel like it.
2000 – 2100: Watch TV while surfing net, checking emails, and cutting my toenails simultaneously
2100 – 2130: Make out with my boyfriend
2130 – 2200: Do my laundry and hang them out to dry. I use Fabuloso detergent
2200 – 2300: Have sex in 4 different positions
2300 – 0630: Try to fall asleep after counting 15623 sheeps jumping over the fence, finally fall asleep, dream of giant cats eating my family members up, wake up drenched in perspiration, drink a glass of water and go back to bed.

Asshole. I can’t imagine how a petty and irritating man like him can be a manager. Actually, the whole company is like that. Someone please get me out! Argh!


  1. Manager: Hmm… the details of “2100 – 2130” and “2200 – 2300” are missing..

  2. this entry cracked me up. hope you’re doing well girl, well, despite the office stuff. :p

  3. It’s nothing new when companies ask staff to detail down what they do from hour to hour during the working hours. I used to do that. So that when the bosses ask what I’ve been up to, I can easily show them what I’ve done. And come appraisal time, I know I won’t miss out anything and get due credit back. SOPs are necessary, even more so when the company is ISO certified. Don’t look on the negative side of things, cos every thing you do has a purpose and a positive side to it leh. And don’t go tell him that you don’t need his guidance (no matter how redundant he sounds). Just “ah ah” all the way lah. Relax. You’re still new on the job.

  4. hahahhaha.. eh very funny leh ur list. are u sure it’s made up? *wink wink. hahahah

  5. xiaoluo: … *speechless*

    maya: i’m fine lah.. i jus dont like the way this company is run! 😦

    essentric: but .. but.. i sit in front of him all day! gosh. and SOPs in this company contain alot of rubbish. before amendment there were 209 pages for my portfolio. after amendment, there’s only 53 pages left. tsk. i wont tell him lah tht i dun need his “guidance”. i will jus go.. “oh okay, we already covered that during training.” but he stil dont get it la.. thn he jus continue nagging n lecturing.

    elise: ya la.. i dun use colgate! 😉

  6. err… u sure 4 positions only?

  7. ehhh. bleh.

  8. my god, i need a sex guru like u to spice up my life!

    anyways, u realise you type a whole lot but everyone only commented and focused on the SEX part? mauahahaha,,,,

  9. ya la! why uhh? -blink-

    seems like to get ppl to comment, must say.. SEX SEX SEX! … all you sick people. haha.

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